I came to Him with a handful of dirty pebbles clenched tightly in my hand: my hopes and dreams all squeezed into a tiny space no larger than a human heart. I thought they were valuable, and bursting with potential. I even tried convincing Him of this, telling Him how much He would be glorified if He would allow my dreams to come true. I tried making them come true in my own strength a time or two. I wish it had only happened a time or two. However, some truths are learned slowly and painfully, and this was one of them. He began chipping away at the rough edges of my heart, showing me how much my pride and self were taking up space that He wanted to claim. Space that He had created with a specific purpose in mind. I was hindering His work in my life because my hands were clenched so tightly around my own agendas, my own "lofty" dreams. As I began letting go of the pebbles, I cried. It hurt, because my dreams offered me security and I had invested so much in them. I didn't really want to give them up. As I gave Him the pebbles one by one, something amazing happened. My hands became fuller. I was confused. How could the release of something so dear to my heart give me an incredible sense of purpose? I looked down at my open hand and gasped. Instead of the few pebbles I had held earlier, my hand was now overflowing with the most magnificent jewels I had ever seen! As I stood there and stared, I felt the gentle arms of my King wrap themselves around me, and in that moment I knew that these were His dreams for me. The "sacrifice" of releasing my personal dreams was immediately forgotten as I discovered how much He delighted in me. I realized that He wanted me to dream, to embrace life, to live with purpose. However, He wanted the first place in my life, and He wanted me to work in His strength. To soar beyond human limits and embrace the power that He offered. He took my dreams and made them beautiful. He transformed them beyond what I could have imagined, and caused me to bask in His goodness and love.
One of these dreams of His has been my journey to Choix. My life here is so beautiful; such a mosaic of joys, blessings, opportunities, and frustrations. :) It's not perfect. Life in these broken bodies never will be. But He is so good, and I am slowly learning to embrace His strength in the everyday moments. Learning to allow His Spirit to speak to and work in my heart and overflow into the lives of those around me, instead of getting frustrated by my limitations and circumstances. As I spend my days in my classroom, I am learning about grace every single day. I am learning what it means to feel His Presence and watch my fears hightail it out the back door. I am learning what it means to try to break the will of a child in my own strength, and suddenly have Him break my heart by showing me my own sinfulness, and in the process demonstrate His power to this child. I have no words. All I can do is raise my hands in adoration and thank Him for Who He is, and praise Him for allowing me to live out His dreams.
All is grace.
P.S. The following photos were taken last week, when Mariela and I took a trip to Chihuahua for a friend's wedding. We had an incredible time, and it was so cool to see so many old friends. :)
"Let the glory of the Lord rise among us
And let the glory of the Lord rise among us
And let the praises of the King rise among us
Let it rise" ~Big Daddy Weave
