pebbles & redemption

       I came to Him with a handful of dirty pebbles clenched tightly in my hand: my hopes and dreams all squeezed into a tiny space no larger than a human heart. I thought they were valuable, and bursting with potential. I even tried convincing Him of this, telling Him how much He would be glorified if He would allow my dreams to come true. I tried making them come true in my own strength a time or two. I wish it had only happened a time or two. However, some truths are learned slowly and painfully, and this was one of them. He began chipping away at the rough edges of my heart, showing me how much my pride and self were taking up space that He wanted to claim. Space that He had created with a specific purpose in mind. I was hindering His work in my life because my hands were clenched so tightly around my own agendas, my own "lofty" dreams. As I began letting go of the pebbles, I cried. It hurt, because my dreams offered me security and I had invested so much in them. I didn't really want to give them up. As I gave Him the pebbles one by one, something amazing happened. My hands became fuller. I was confused. How could the release of something so dear to my heart give me an incredible sense of purpose? I looked down at my open hand and gasped. Instead of the few pebbles I had held earlier, my hand was now overflowing with the most magnificent jewels I had ever seen! As I stood there and stared, I felt the gentle arms of my King wrap themselves around me, and in that moment I knew that these were His dreams for me. The "sacrifice" of releasing my personal dreams was immediately forgotten as I discovered how much He delighted in me. I realized that He wanted me to dream, to embrace life, to live with purpose. However, He wanted the first place in my life, and He wanted me to work in His strength. To soar beyond human limits and embrace the power that He offered. He took my dreams and made them beautiful. He transformed them beyond what I could have imagined, and caused me to bask in His goodness and love.

One of these dreams of His has been my journey to Choix. My life here is so beautiful; such a mosaic of joys, blessings, opportunities, and frustrations. :) It's not perfect. Life in these broken bodies never will be. But He is so good, and I am slowly learning to embrace His strength in the everyday moments. Learning to allow His Spirit to speak to and work in my heart and overflow into the lives of those around me, instead of getting frustrated by my limitations and circumstances. As I spend my days in my classroom, I am learning about grace every single day. I am learning what it means to feel His Presence and watch my fears hightail it out the back door. I am learning what it means to try to break the will of a child in my own strength, and suddenly have Him break my heart by showing me my own sinfulness, and in the process demonstrate His power to this child. I have no words. All I can do is raise my hands in adoration and thank Him for Who He is, and praise Him for allowing me to live out His dreams.

 All is grace.

P.S. The following photos were taken last week, when Mariela and I took a trip to Chihuahua for a friend's wedding. We had an incredible time, and it was so cool to see so many old friends. :)

"Let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the praises of the King rise among us

Let it rise" ~Big Daddy Weave

      My King has been leading me on a fascinating journey ever since I said "yes" to Him. It's been a thrilling, delightful, rewarding journey, but it's also been incredibly painful and uncomfortable a lot of the time. Sometimes I forget that it's not all about me and I allow my circumstances to overwhelm me, to stifle my joy. Without fail, when I stop long enough to listen, to allow His voice to be heard, He calls me back to quietness and trust. The word "quietness" means "to rest; be undisturbed; be unmolested; to be still, inactive. To cause to be quiet. Essentially denotes tranquility." How can I truly be overwhelmed when I am called to this? How could this tranquility do any less than trump every circumstance in my life? You're right. It does trump all. 

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." -Col 3:15 NIV

      Let His peace rule. Notice the last sentence, added almost as an afterthought. Be thankful. Thankfulness, as known in the Greek language, is "eucharisteo". A continual gratefulness. It's the same thankfulness that Jesus demonstrated right before His death, at the Last Supper. You know, when He took the wine and the bread and "gave thanks"? Yup. Same word in the Greek language. Eucharisteo. The thing is, we're not commanded to be thankful only when we're having fun, when things are going smoothly, and all is right with the world. Remember what happened immediately following the Last Supper? He died. He became SIN and died. For me. And to think that He knew that all of this was going to happen when He "gave thanks". My best excuse falls flat in light of this extravagant love. I am undone in His presence. If He could stare the grotesqueness of sin and cruel death in the face and give thanks, doesn't that give me the same power of joy?His Spirit is, after all, living in me. Eucharisteo= a lifestyle of joy. I was first introduced to this concept through Ann Voscamp's book "1000 Gifts". As revolutionary as it was back then, it has only now truly become my heart's cry as I've learned to know the heart of my King more intimately. No longer is it a wonderful thought from this great book I read. Instead, I live it. I breathe it. Just when I think I can't handle another interruption, another frustration, another trial, His voice quietly invites me to embrace eucharisteo, and to allow His peace to wash over me. In the light of His grace, I rest. I lack nothing. He is everything.

 {My girls in Tepehuajes. Sissy and I get to hang out with them every week to connect and talk about the stuff of life}

   

{I got visitors! So fun to have them around}

{Again, my girls in Tepe. We had a little Valentine's celebration, and what a great time it was. :) }

{Some more of my beautiful gals. They spice up my life, that's for sure!}

 

{Wheels. Finally. So thankful for this!}

{My beautiful Choix. This is up on the clock tower.}
Photo credits: Elaine F, Tim S, Lisa Y, and Russ L