got desires?

        I sat in His presence yesterday morning as I sipped my steaming cup of coffee and tried to stay warm. I had just returned from three weeks of time spent with family and friends in Canada, and I ached. Physically ached with loneliness. Know the feeling? I'm guessing you do. Well, as I sat, I began writing in my journal. I wrote about life. I wrote about the struggle. You know, the stuff of life that faces you every morning when you wake up. The stuff you wrestle with when no one is around to fill the silence. I began reading my Bible, and stumbled across Psalm 37, and sorta stopped when I reached verse 4. "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." How many of us have read this verse and thought "Well, I could give you a list right now of the desires that He is NOT fulfilling in my life!" Careers come to a crashing halt. Spouses disappoint. Kids inflict pain. Finances are tight...the list continues. We feel disappointed and angry at times when our dreams seem to go unnoticed, and our prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling. As for the desires of our hearts? We throw up our hands in exasperation, tired of wishing, hoping, praying. 

Here's a thought: what if we were to step back and take a good look at our desires. Truly, what do they boil down to? I began to list my desires as I talked to God. I want to be loved, I want to be validated. I want to mean the world to someone. There's more, but these were a few of the core desires. As I wrote, I was suddenly struck with wonder: He is literally fulfilling these desires every single day! The Creator of the Universe loves me with an everlasting love {Jer 31:3}, My name is engraved in the palm of His hand, He delights in me, rejoicing over me with singing {Zeph 3:17}! Wow. He also promised me that if I delight in Him, my heart will always be at rest, and will have a continual feast {Pr 15:15}. The problem is that I have these puny little visions of what this love, this validation should look like. As a married person, do you look for this in your spouse? As singles, do we think we would receive this if we had a spouse? Surprise! Your spouse (or future spouse) is human, and was never meant to fill this vacuum in your life. Is an earthly marriage a reflection of this love? Definitely! However, I have realized that it is of utmost importance that my King maintains first priority in my life. He deserves the best of me, He deserves my devotion, He deserves to be the centre of my life and desires. In this, I rest secure and have everything I need for abundant life. 

How do you interpret and apply Psalm 37:4 in your own life? I'd love to hear thoughts!

pebbles & redemption

       I came to Him with a handful of dirty pebbles clenched tightly in my hand: my hopes and dreams all squeezed into a tiny space no larger than a human heart. I thought they were valuable, and bursting with potential. I even tried convincing Him of this, telling Him how much He would be glorified if He would allow my dreams to come true. I tried making them come true in my own strength a time or two. I wish it had only happened a time or two. However, some truths are learned slowly and painfully, and this was one of them. He began chipping away at the rough edges of my heart, showing me how much my pride and self were taking up space that He wanted to claim. Space that He had created with a specific purpose in mind. I was hindering His work in my life because my hands were clenched so tightly around my own agendas, my own "lofty" dreams. As I began letting go of the pebbles, I cried. It hurt, because my dreams offered me security and I had invested so much in them. I didn't really want to give them up. As I gave Him the pebbles one by one, something amazing happened. My hands became fuller. I was confused. How could the release of something so dear to my heart give me an incredible sense of purpose? I looked down at my open hand and gasped. Instead of the few pebbles I had held earlier, my hand was now overflowing with the most magnificent jewels I had ever seen! As I stood there and stared, I felt the gentle arms of my King wrap themselves around me, and in that moment I knew that these were His dreams for me. The "sacrifice" of releasing my personal dreams was immediately forgotten as I discovered how much He delighted in me. I realized that He wanted me to dream, to embrace life, to live with purpose. However, He wanted the first place in my life, and He wanted me to work in His strength. To soar beyond human limits and embrace the power that He offered. He took my dreams and made them beautiful. He transformed them beyond what I could have imagined, and caused me to bask in His goodness and love.

One of these dreams of His has been my journey to Choix. My life here is so beautiful; such a mosaic of joys, blessings, opportunities, and frustrations. :) It's not perfect. Life in these broken bodies never will be. But He is so good, and I am slowly learning to embrace His strength in the everyday moments. Learning to allow His Spirit to speak to and work in my heart and overflow into the lives of those around me, instead of getting frustrated by my limitations and circumstances. As I spend my days in my classroom, I am learning about grace every single day. I am learning what it means to feel His Presence and watch my fears hightail it out the back door. I am learning what it means to try to break the will of a child in my own strength, and suddenly have Him break my heart by showing me my own sinfulness, and in the process demonstrate His power to this child. I have no words. All I can do is raise my hands in adoration and thank Him for Who He is, and praise Him for allowing me to live out His dreams.

 All is grace.

P.S. The following photos were taken last week, when Mariela and I took a trip to Chihuahua for a friend's wedding. We had an incredible time, and it was so cool to see so many old friends. :)

"Let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the praises of the King rise among us

Let it rise" ~Big Daddy Weave

      My King has been leading me on a fascinating journey ever since I said "yes" to Him. It's been a thrilling, delightful, rewarding journey, but it's also been incredibly painful and uncomfortable a lot of the time. Sometimes I forget that it's not all about me and I allow my circumstances to overwhelm me, to stifle my joy. Without fail, when I stop long enough to listen, to allow His voice to be heard, He calls me back to quietness and trust. The word "quietness" means "to rest; be undisturbed; be unmolested; to be still, inactive. To cause to be quiet. Essentially denotes tranquility." How can I truly be overwhelmed when I am called to this? How could this tranquility do any less than trump every circumstance in my life? You're right. It does trump all. 

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." -Col 3:15 NIV

      Let His peace rule. Notice the last sentence, added almost as an afterthought. Be thankful. Thankfulness, as known in the Greek language, is "eucharisteo". A continual gratefulness. It's the same thankfulness that Jesus demonstrated right before His death, at the Last Supper. You know, when He took the wine and the bread and "gave thanks"? Yup. Same word in the Greek language. Eucharisteo. The thing is, we're not commanded to be thankful only when we're having fun, when things are going smoothly, and all is right with the world. Remember what happened immediately following the Last Supper? He died. He became SIN and died. For me. And to think that He knew that all of this was going to happen when He "gave thanks". My best excuse falls flat in light of this extravagant love. I am undone in His presence. If He could stare the grotesqueness of sin and cruel death in the face and give thanks, doesn't that give me the same power of joy?His Spirit is, after all, living in me. Eucharisteo= a lifestyle of joy. I was first introduced to this concept through Ann Voscamp's book "1000 Gifts". As revolutionary as it was back then, it has only now truly become my heart's cry as I've learned to know the heart of my King more intimately. No longer is it a wonderful thought from this great book I read. Instead, I live it. I breathe it. Just when I think I can't handle another interruption, another frustration, another trial, His voice quietly invites me to embrace eucharisteo, and to allow His peace to wash over me. In the light of His grace, I rest. I lack nothing. He is everything.

 {My girls in Tepehuajes. Sissy and I get to hang out with them every week to connect and talk about the stuff of life}

   

{I got visitors! So fun to have them around}

{Again, my girls in Tepe. We had a little Valentine's celebration, and what a great time it was. :) }

{Some more of my beautiful gals. They spice up my life, that's for sure!}

 

{Wheels. Finally. So thankful for this!}

{My beautiful Choix. This is up on the clock tower.}
Photo credits: Elaine F, Tim S, Lisa Y, and Russ L

.moments of grace.

       It all began with that email confirming the need for me to move way down South.
I prayed. I responded. I began dreaming. How faithful is this God of mine Who daily leads me into all truth, and equips me with more grace than I could ever ask for!
So, I arrived in Mexico a month and a half ago, ready to start the journey of studying language and culture, and of creating a new life thousands of miles from home as I knew it.

This journey has been an intriguing one so far: a wild conglomeration of joys, mistakes, growing pains, and unplanned blessings.

I love Mexico. Not a day goes by that I don't step back and marvel at the beauty of my life: a rich, captivating collage of blessings. I love being here. The colours. The smells. The sights. The sounds. The hearts. I am surrounded by beating hearts, and I love it. There are moments when I literally stop, stare at my surroundings, and break out in the biggest smile possible, because of the wonder of it all.

It's crazy, really. Why me, why here, why now? What do I have to offer the people of Choix, when I am such a work in progress myself? Nothing. I have nothing. I have no capacity to learn a new language, to minister to those around me, to cry with hurting hearts, or even to breathe. I am nothing. But God. He is the air I breathe, the lyrics I raise in praise, the joy I experience daily, the hand I hold out to the world around me. Whether in Mexico, Canada, or the ends of the earth, He is the Great I AM. That really is the summary of my existence. As I continue to learn Spanish, and continue to settle into my new roles here, I invite you to celebrate Him with me. Celebrate Him for the way He guided me through those crucial first few weeks of bonding with my host culture. Those weeks jam packed with language mistakes, new relationships, unfamiliar customs. I am thankful that those weeks are behind me, but they were good. I learned so much, and was stretched in ways I would not have imagined. I moved into the town of Choix (which will be my home for the next two years minimum, Lord willing) last week.

As I continue to settle in and discover what life will be like for me here, pray for His grace to flow out of my life every day. My weeks consist of a myriad of activities including ministering in surrounding villages, cooking, handing out many cups of water in a day (our "window ministry" :), helping out with Bible studies, etc. I am also loving getting to know the kids at the Casa Hogar (the Orphanage), and it blesses my soul to interact with them through talking, playing Soccer, etc.

An added bonus of it all is that I am blessed with an amazing team of warriors to fight this battle with.

The team: Casa Hogar caregivers, Church Planting Team, & School Teachers

(Suzanne and I. We are on the church-planting team together, focusing on ministry in the villages, as well as domestics and ministry at the team base here. This girl is pretty amazing, and she definitely makes my life richer!)

(Gen and I. She is the cook at at the Casa Hogar, and an incredible soul sister).

And now, for your enjoyment: photos of life as I now know it:

There is no way to express my gratitude for all the prayers you send up to the Father on my behalf! I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are carrying me through every day. Thank you for blessing my life so richly!

I invite you to magnify Him with me:

"Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples." Ps. 96:3

His Strength is Perfect

The adventure started off in a kitchen in the Concrete Jungle, with six weeks of daily preparation of food.

 It continued with a trip down south to my new home: an absolutely stunning country, a new language, a new culture; you know, all that good stuff.

 As I began settling in to my new life, I quickly became the object of much laughter here. As I struggle to master the arts of my new culture, trust me, there are plenty of slips and clueless moments to laugh at! My tortillas come out in odd shapes, I don't know exactly when and how to greet people properly, I am the new white girl in the village, etc. I knew that learning a new language was going to be, umm, interesting. I was right! :) I say funny things (although usually I don't even realize my mistakes till awhile later), I mentally construct my sentences before I say anything (yes, I miss talking!), I carry a dictionary and notebook with me everywhere I go, and I sorta gawk at people sometimes when their mouths create funny words/phrases that I am expected to respond to.

 

   I am beginning week three of my stay in Guadalupe, where I am immersed in Mexican culture and Spanish. I quickly realized how difficult it is to communicate with someone when you do not have a mutual language. However, I also quickly discovered that when Spanish is all you have, Spanish is all you really need. Is it easy? No, not by any stretch of the imagination. I find myself feeling like I am a lone sailor in a vast sea. Like a turtle on a racetrack. Like a beach ball in the snow. Out of the loop sometimes, struggling for words most of the time, wracking my brain constantly. However, through it all, there is a complete peace that I am exactly where I need and want to be. Because He is my patient Father, I can face every single challenge, learn from it, and become a stronger, better person.
   There are plenty of humour moments, like the time I was introduced to a bachelor relative of my host family, and promptly informed him that I really like him, instead of saying it was a pleasure to meet him! {insert blush}. I was kindly informed of my error a few days later, and was told that I had merely switched a few words around. Ah, the excitement of linguistics!
   There was great excitement at "my house" the other day when a friend discovered an armadillo and brought it out to show us. I was looking at this strange looking creature, and asking about the Spanish pronunciation of the aforementioned word. Funny how "armadillo" and "amarillo" (the colour yellow) sound so similar. I soon found them laughing when I unintentionally began talking about the "yellow" on the ground. :)

I am being educated in many areas of life, like making tamales. *delicious*

My daily life right now consists of studying language and culture, basically. This consists of conversing with my host family, visiting their friends in the village, taking notes, studying my Spanish textbooks, and many other things. Along with this, there is never a shortage of kids around who want to play futbòl (aka Soccer), and a myriad of other things. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for praying for me! I have felt it strongly, and praise God for what He is doing in my life and in the lives of the people around me. May you be blessed today as you recognize the opportunities He gives you to glorify Him. It's all about Him; it's all about His glory. 

All is grace.

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Ex 9:16

     Life with The  King is a journey; a beautiful journey. A daily expression of grace and surrender. A continual chain of growth opportunities and refinement. It is a glorious expression of the splendour of the King. It is also a collage of sorrow and heartache; of smiles in the midst of tears, of ashes being brushed away to reveal rare beauty. It gently nudges us to release our death grip on the things and the people we love, because He has called us to love Him intentionally, above all else. Life with the King is a life of adventure and peace, and I am ever grateful that He has captured me with His grace!

     Walking with the King prompts a response to His radical love. It prompts a crucifixion of self, and draws us to deeper levels of fellowship in His presence. It calls us to seek His face and walk in the light that He gives. For me personally, it has come to mean a surrender of "normal life" as it were, and an embracing of the dance He has called me to. It has caused me to say more goodbyes than I ever bargained for, and that is painful. There is something beautiful about those loyal, faithful family members and friends who know you so well and love you unconditionally. It hurts to leave, to commit them to the Father, and to learn to live life without these beautiful relationships.

  

 

    Then, there are moments of pure joy. A happy reunion with my soul sister who has been a vital part of my journey. A soul sister who has inspired me more than she will ever truly know.

New life. This dear woman became a mother recently, and it blessed my soul to reconnect with her, and meet the precious little bundle who stole my heart immediately!

 

 

This city amazes me. This mosaic of colours and cultures causes me to shake my head in wonder and amazement.

Our weekly custom of experiencing a culture other than our own was showcased in a traditional Bengali meal, complete with floor seating and appropriate dress. Amazing.

 

    I walk and I marvel at life here. The street vendors. The display of colours and styles. The fish markets. The eager salesperson. The slow-moving tourist. The frantic business man. The frazzled mother with a crying child. The love-struck couple. The lonely individual. The horns. The yellow taxis. The constant-ness. But, most of all, the eyes. They captivate me. They pull me in an beg me to see what lies behind them.

 

    She travelled to my city just to see me. :) How wonderful to walk these streets together, talk about life, and drink coffee.

    Little Italy. A crazy weekend due to the Feast of San Gennaro. We may have been on the verge of being trampled to the ground due to overly ambitious pedestrians; but nevertheless, we had a lovely time. We observed the celebrations, sampled Italian food, and savoured the moments of joy.

::How beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news::

 

    So the journey continues, with constant reminders of grace. We have entered week 3 of 6 here at the Training Centre. I eagerly anticipate my entrance into the South. Until then, this city is mine, and I love it. So blessed. All is grace.