grief awareness day 💜

It's National Grief Awareness day today. If I could neatly summarize what these past 6 months have been Iike, I would, but there's nothing neat and tidy about grief. It hits you hardest when you least expect it, and teaches you a whole lot about life and love that you would not learn otherwise. Our journey with grief began what feels like a lifetime ago. At 11 weeks gestation, our little girl was diagnosed with a health condition that we were told would likely result in a palliative pregnancy, and then her death before she ever saw the world. I thought that was hard. It was. But nothing could possibly have prepared me for what happened when Gabriella actually died. The hope that we had strongly experienced, believing and hoping that she would be healed earthside, was suddenly snatched away with the horrible news that she had no heartbeat. 💔 I had no idea how much joy that hope had given me, till it was gone. The first few weeks after her death/birth were a mix of shock, dismay, and relief. No longer did we constantly wonder  if she was still alive or if she had already passed. No longer was I at risk of a life-threatening condition called Mirror Syndrome, where a mother's body mirrors the symptoms of her hydrops-engulfed baby. There was definite relief. And then a few weeks later, the finality of it all hit me hard, and despair set in. My baby was really gone, and she was never coming back. There was no glimmer of hope that maybe she would make it, and land screaming in our arms in a few weeks or months. She was gone. Dead. Cold in the ground.. .and all I had to show for it was a clump of squishy fat on my stomach, endless tears and exhaustion, and arms and a heart that literally, physically ached. Like a sick adrenaline rush. I never knew grief would cause physical reactions like that, but it did. Still does. For weeks after, my body still thought it was pregnant, and every twinge I felt would make me so excited, thinking she was moving... And then I'd remember. She was gone. I had no idea that grief becomes part of you, wrapping its tendrils into every part of you, and it's impossible to escape it. I've learned/am learning to cope with it, but it doesn't go away. I've learned to smile through the tears and go on living, even though I've often wished that I could have died along with my baby. I've also learned that often people are super unfamiliar with and uncomfortable with deep grief. They don't know how to care, even though they have the best of intentions. They're afraid to say her name... maybe for fear of reminding me of my pain? News flash: my grief is always with me. You don't remind me of it; instead, I'm honoured when Gabriella's life is remembered and honoured in that way. Not with pity, but with celebration! Telling me how much you wish you could watch her grow up, or that you're sad you never got to meet her, lets me know that I'm not quite as alone as I feel. Grief is so isolating and lonely. Not that we don't have an amazing community surrounding us, but no one is as affected by her passing as we are, and it's impossible for anyone to know just how we're feeling. Watching other women be pregnant with and give birth to healthy, live babies has been incredibly, incredibly hard for me since we lost Gabriella. They have what my heart desperately wants, and it's so traumatic for me to watch. It's forced me to take a step back in socializing, and hide social media accounts of pregnant women. When you've lost a baby, suddenly all you see is pregnancy announcements and baby bumps. And while there's nothing wrong with either of those, and it's cause for celebration, I've learned that it's okay to let someone else do the celebrating right now. I've also learned that a lot of people are unaquainted with this level of grief, and we're all so capable of hurting other people with our words and actions. Usually it's unintentional,and we're actually trying to help and make things better. If there's one thing I'd like the world to know, it's that no one can make grief "better". Offering clichés and "explanations" as to why my child (or anyone else's loved one) had to die does not help. It only hurts, and makes that person 'unsafe' to confide in. Especially in the early days of grief (and that can mean months, btw😊), there is no reason good enough or valid enough to merit my child dying. By now, I can see some beautiful things that have come about as a result of Gabriella's death. I can see blessings coming out of this broken mess, but that doesn't mean it's easy or "worth it all". Frankly, I'd still rather have my daughter with me and have those blessings come as a result of something less painful. 🤣 Do I believe that God is sovereign, and that His heart can still be trusted? Yes, but often I just know that in my head, and my heart needs to catch up. So, please take it from me and don't try to "fix" your grieving friends and family. Just sit with them and hug them tight. Bring them meals or coffees or gift cards, and don't assume they're 'okay' after 1, 3, or 6 months. They will always appreciate those gestures, and remembering dates like birthdays, anniversaries, due dates, etc, will mean the world to them. Honouring their loved one will always warm their hearts, I promise. Also, don't be afraid to ask how you can help. Don't tell them to 'let you know if there's anything you can do', because they won't. Ask them what would mean a lot to them right now, and understand that needs change on a daily basis sometimes. 😊

Today, on national grief awareness day, I met my amazing friend's beautiful newborn daughter. We were pregnant together, and dreamed of our babies growing up together (they were due 8 wks apart). We dreamed of playdates, and of our kids marrying each other if she had a baby boy. 😍🤣 Her daughter is beautiful, and as I sat and held her, sobs of deep loss wracked my body for the warm, chubby baby I never got to have and hold. My baby is dancing with Jesus, and the depth of this loss is something I wrestle with every day. I don't talk about it much, because putting myself out there makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. Unsafe. But here I am, trying to shed some light on and normalize grief. Please don't shy away from it. Please don't be scared to love this post instead of crying over it. Grief is the only form of love I get to express for my daughter, and I don't want pity. Understanding, yes, always, but not long faces and pitying looks. Celebrate my daughter and other babies gone too soon; celebrate the incredible strength of all the mamas and daddys who have had to say goodbye to their babies way too soon. Hug your loved ones tightly, always. 

Today, on #nationalgriefawarenessday, let's normalize grief and let people know it's okay that they're not okay. It's okay for them to be walking this road, to experience joy and sorrow simultaneously, to wrestle on the hard days, and craugh (cry+laugh😂) on the days when they have no idea how they're doing, and to just embrace those moments when they  feel a genuine smile cross their face. Because trust me, it feels like a million bucks. 💜😊


Edit: Since I wrote this last night, something has weighed heavily on my heart, and that is to make sure that I let our family and friends know that we could not be more thankful for the extravagant love that's been poured out on us in the past year. My family has been right here with us, and we have so many, many incredible people who have stepped up to the plate and loved us well. I can tell when someone genuinely cares and is trying to love me, even if the attempts aren't perfect. Trust me, I've blundered my way through countless situations too, so I'm learning right along with everyone else. Some day I'm going to blog about how we've experienced the hands and feet of Jesus in all of this, but this post was dedicated to the things I wish I had known before this grief journey, so I could have loved better. 😊 Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This post was not meant to criticize or point fingers, but to inform and empower. So please accept my thanks, and my apologies if I came across as ungrateful or critical.
Also, some day soon I'm going to talk about what God's been doing in my heart through all of this, so stay tuned! 💜

My Story of Depression & God's Healing

   I'm just going to warn you right up front: this post is not an easy one to write. Just the mere thought of it makes me want to run and hide. I don't really want to say the things I'm going to tell you. I don't really want you to know all of these heart struggles. I don't want to pull off the mask I've been wearing in front of the general public.
   The problem is, I can't be silent any longer. I've felt God asking me for several weeks now if I would bare my heart and be honest about this struggle. Why, you may ask? The following verses explain everything. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 1Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV
   He's been comforting me in a hundred different ways. Now, I get to pass that comfort on to you, if you've been silently suffering, maybe thinking that you are all alone. But wait, now I'm ahead of myself.
   Depression. Anxiety. Two dreadful words that I venture to say every single one of us has known at one time or another in our lives. We've experienced them to different degrees, I'm sure, and the impact that they've had on us varies. My personal experience is all I can speak from, and my only prayer is that God will be glorified through this, and that His comfort will flow over into your life.
   As some of you know, I walked the road of clinical depression a few years ago, after a really painful experience. I experienced many awful physical symptoms throughout that time period, and the emotional struggle made me want to despair. I ended up taking anti-depressants, and through the grace of God, come out of that dark period of life. I hoped I would never be asked to deal with anything of that nature again. I would hear people flippantly say that they were "so depressed" as if it was a funny figure of speech to use. Inwardly, I would cringe, realizing all too well the implications of the word.
  My Dr. told me that he didn't know what my future looked like. He didn't expect me to struggle with depression again, seeing as I was young, and my depression was triggered by a specific event. So, I faced the future with hope, thanking God that I was back to my old self, enjoying life.
   Fast forward to this Fall, when this dreaded monster reappeared, knocking me off my feet again. It started off innocently enough, I suppose, with me facing some fears in my life and working through them. I expected to spring back effortlessly, but one afternoon, I had to face the truth. "It" was back in full force, and something had to be done. Those of you who have dealt with depression may understand what I'm talking about. It's not just mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual, but rather, it's a combination of all of the aforementioned.
   I am an extrovert by nature, and love an active social life! However, suddenly I was terrified to step outside my door and face people. I had no idea how to hold a conversation anymore, and I wanted to stay at home, constantly. At the same time, I was terrified to be alone. I felt like I was drowning, fast falling into a dark, slippery hole that I would never be able to climb out of. I experienced physical symptoms that were enough to send me into more anxiety (I'm talking numb legs and arms, constricted breathing, and many more). I felt like I was in a huge bubble that nothing could penetrate. I knew that my Abba Father was holding me. Somehow, I could sense that. However, it was really hard to pray, to fight for truth. My husband has been an incredible gift from God through all of my struggles, and he began to see the situation much more clearly than I did. We are followers of Jesus, and were acting on things He was teaching us. Not cool in the devil's realm. We began to realize that this knocking us off our feet (and interrupting the progress that we had made spiritually) was exactly what the enemy wanted. We began to fight. Well, my husband began to fight, I should say. I felt powerless. I would wake up riddled with anxiety, dreading the day, wanting to sleep all day and forget I was alive. I wished I wasn't alive, to be honest. I would barely make it through work shifts, then come home and bawl my eyes out, again. I have never known such an endless stream of tears. My quiet time with Jesus was my lifeline, and I would soak up His words every morning. I cannot count the number of times that He spoke directly to my need, reassuring me of His love and power.
   Daily tasks became so overwhelming to me, that I felt super accomplished if I managed to get my dishes done and get food on the table. Exercise is a recommended form of dealing with stress, but I couldn't force myself to do anything, even if that meant just going for a short walk. I felt chained to this depression.
  We had also decided against taking anti-depressants, so I had no way of numbing my symptoms. We decided to treat this as the attack that we believed it was, and fight through, no matter how intense the struggle. So, we did. Little by little, my husband began encouraging me to join him in fighting. He prayed for/over me countless times, and slowly I began to be able to do the same. Fear doesn't stand a chance when the power of God's love enters the picture, and this is what I began to experience in my heart. I quoted Scripture, I prayed, I claimed His promises...and then repeated the process over and over.
   Then, one evening, my husband and I were enjoying supper and a great time together. It felt awesome to be having fun again! Suddenly, I was in the middle of another anxiety attack, and we began praying. As we were praying, I began to hear sweet words of comfort out of Isaiah 43. It wasn't an audible voice, but I knew without a doubt that God was speaking, and was assuring me that I was going to make it out of my depression and see light again. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; You are mine. When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..." Is 43:1-2 NIV
   I looked at Jason and whispered through my tears, "I'm going to be okay".
   Slowly...I began to experience hope. The attacks came less frequently and were less severe. I began to have more good days than bad days, and I remember actually enjoying a day alone again. I wasn't instantly healed, but slowly restoration became my story. Am I completely healed now? No, not completely. However, my good days far outweigh my bad ones by now. I rarely face the attacks of anxiety anymore. My physical symptoms have almost completely disappeared. He is so faithful, and I am forever grateful. I can't imagine what this journey would have looked like without my husband. I thank God every day that He sent this warrior-poet into my life! He daily inspires me to live out my faith and focus on who God really is. So, so blessed.

   So, for those of you who struggle with depression and/or anxiety, know that you are not alone. You are not alone. There are countless people who feel overwhelmed by this, and the amount of anti-depressants that are prescribed annually is evidence of that fact. You are not alone. There is Hope. I know that it's almost impossible to believe (and especially to feel) that truth in the middle of your pain, and I get that. Please don't try to walk this journey by yourself. Start talking about it. It's one of the hardest things you could do right now, and it's probably the last thing you feel like doing. But, please do it. You can't do this by yourself. The struggle is so real, and you need love and support. If the only thing you can do right now is shoot me or someone else a message, please start with that. I'm here to pray for you and listen to your story.

   Because of Christ, I believed that the sun would shine again in my life, even though the battle took the fight right out of me. Because of Christ, the sun is shining again, even though there's still cloudy days sometimes.
   Don't give up.
   You are loved by the Almighty God.

image source: pinterest

Love is in the Air!

   Remember that post I wrote, you know, about a year ago? :) I guess you could say that consistent blogging is not my strongest point. *blushes* I am now ready to follow up with another post, despite the fact that it is way overdue!
   If you remember, the title of my previous post was "Got Desires?" I freely admit that the post sprang out of a battle concerning my love life. Many of you know my story, and the fact that there have been several bumps in my journey. But never mind that. I was wrestling with God about my "right" to get married and to see that desire fulfilled. He showed me the truth: as long as my heart is resting in Him, I have everything I need- husband, or no husband. His glory is far more important that my puny dreams, and whatever measures He needs to take to display that glory, will be far more rewarding than human satisfaction. And then, peace overwhelmed me. Sweet peace. It wasn't the first time I had wrestled with this (I'm sure many of you can relate!), but God has powerful ways of keeping us close to His heart, doesn't He?
  Well, after that, God began to do some incredible things! He brought the man I had been secretly falling in love with and praying for, to my doorstep. Literally. This man that I had come to greatly respect and admire had been doing a lot of praying and surrendering on his own, and God told him to marry me. :) Uh, yes please! I won't go into the details of our story right now, but after another season of waiting, we officially began our relationship, and we said "I do" seven months later.
  Here's what I want to tell you. It was totally worth the wait! I am so thankful that I never settled for less than His plans for me. I'm so glad I listened when He spoke, even when that was painful.
   Here's another thing I want to tell you: marriage is not a destination. It does not make you more complete than you are right now. It does not solve your problems. It does not make life perfect. :)
I am grateful that we entered marriage with our "eyes open", as you might say. We knew we were going to need to work in order to have a strong, beautiful marriage. We knew it would not be perfect. We were prepared to "fight the good fight", just like we did when we were single.
  Having said all that...I praise God for marriage! I could not be more blessed than I am. My husband is a man of God, a warrior poet. He cares for my heart in ways that only God could show him. I cannot begin to tell you how many times he has blown me away with his sensitivity and thoughtfulness. He is solid, loyal, honest, trustworthy, humble, and overflows with Jesus' love. When I struggle, he prays over me and is always there for me.
   Someone asked me the other day how the adjustment to marriage has been. We had to learn the importance of communication (and we're still learning). We had to learn to work as a team instead of as independent singles (and we're still learning :). We've had to work through other things. However, here's what is so evident to us, and what I want to encourage you with: as long as we are hidden in Christ and allow Him to work in our hearts, we avoid so much potential for frustration. This applies to all of life, not just marriage. If you demand your own way, marriage (and life itself) will be frustrating. If you expect marriage to be a destination, and expect your husband to meet all your needs, marriage will be hard. This was never the purpose of marriage. If, however, you realize the place it is supposed to have in your life, marriage is bliss. :) I don't mean that life is easy, but marriage can be (and should be) a picture of how Christ loves His bride, the Church. It can't really be explained, but to experience that agape love is glorious.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails." (1 Co 13:4-8 NIV)


So, there's my little tidbit for the day! :) So many of you have been part of my journey, and I want to thank you for letting God use you. We need each other.
All is grace.
~Mrs. Dueck :)

got desires?

        I sat in His presence yesterday morning as I sipped my steaming cup of coffee and tried to stay warm. I had just returned from three weeks of time spent with family and friends in Canada, and I ached. Physically ached with loneliness. Know the feeling? I'm guessing you do. Well, as I sat, I began writing in my journal. I wrote about life. I wrote about the struggle. You know, the stuff of life that faces you every morning when you wake up. The stuff you wrestle with when no one is around to fill the silence. I began reading my Bible, and stumbled across Psalm 37, and sorta stopped when I reached verse 4. "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." How many of us have read this verse and thought "Well, I could give you a list right now of the desires that He is NOT fulfilling in my life!" Careers come to a crashing halt. Spouses disappoint. Kids inflict pain. Finances are tight...the list continues. We feel disappointed and angry at times when our dreams seem to go unnoticed, and our prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling. As for the desires of our hearts? We throw up our hands in exasperation, tired of wishing, hoping, praying. 

Here's a thought: what if we were to step back and take a good look at our desires. Truly, what do they boil down to? I began to list my desires as I talked to God. I want to be loved, I want to be validated. I want to mean the world to someone. There's more, but these were a few of the core desires. As I wrote, I was suddenly struck with wonder: He is literally fulfilling these desires every single day! The Creator of the Universe loves me with an everlasting love {Jer 31:3}, My name is engraved in the palm of His hand, He delights in me, rejoicing over me with singing {Zeph 3:17}! Wow. He also promised me that if I delight in Him, my heart will always be at rest, and will have a continual feast {Pr 15:15}. The problem is that I have these puny little visions of what this love, this validation should look like. As a married person, do you look for this in your spouse? As singles, do we think we would receive this if we had a spouse? Surprise! Your spouse (or future spouse) is human, and was never meant to fill this vacuum in your life. Is an earthly marriage a reflection of this love? Definitely! However, I have realized that it is of utmost importance that my King maintains first priority in my life. He deserves the best of me, He deserves my devotion, He deserves to be the centre of my life and desires. In this, I rest secure and have everything I need for abundant life. 

How do you interpret and apply Psalm 37:4 in your own life? I'd love to hear thoughts!

pebbles & redemption

       I came to Him with a handful of dirty pebbles clenched tightly in my hand: my hopes and dreams all squeezed into a tiny space no larger than a human heart. I thought they were valuable, and bursting with potential. I even tried convincing Him of this, telling Him how much He would be glorified if He would allow my dreams to come true. I tried making them come true in my own strength a time or two. I wish it had only happened a time or two. However, some truths are learned slowly and painfully, and this was one of them. He began chipping away at the rough edges of my heart, showing me how much my pride and self were taking up space that He wanted to claim. Space that He had created with a specific purpose in mind. I was hindering His work in my life because my hands were clenched so tightly around my own agendas, my own "lofty" dreams. As I began letting go of the pebbles, I cried. It hurt, because my dreams offered me security and I had invested so much in them. I didn't really want to give them up. As I gave Him the pebbles one by one, something amazing happened. My hands became fuller. I was confused. How could the release of something so dear to my heart give me an incredible sense of purpose? I looked down at my open hand and gasped. Instead of the few pebbles I had held earlier, my hand was now overflowing with the most magnificent jewels I had ever seen! As I stood there and stared, I felt the gentle arms of my King wrap themselves around me, and in that moment I knew that these were His dreams for me. The "sacrifice" of releasing my personal dreams was immediately forgotten as I discovered how much He delighted in me. I realized that He wanted me to dream, to embrace life, to live with purpose. However, He wanted the first place in my life, and He wanted me to work in His strength. To soar beyond human limits and embrace the power that He offered. He took my dreams and made them beautiful. He transformed them beyond what I could have imagined, and caused me to bask in His goodness and love.

One of these dreams of His has been my journey to Choix. My life here is so beautiful; such a mosaic of joys, blessings, opportunities, and frustrations. :) It's not perfect. Life in these broken bodies never will be. But He is so good, and I am slowly learning to embrace His strength in the everyday moments. Learning to allow His Spirit to speak to and work in my heart and overflow into the lives of those around me, instead of getting frustrated by my limitations and circumstances. As I spend my days in my classroom, I am learning about grace every single day. I am learning what it means to feel His Presence and watch my fears hightail it out the back door. I am learning what it means to try to break the will of a child in my own strength, and suddenly have Him break my heart by showing me my own sinfulness, and in the process demonstrate His power to this child. I have no words. All I can do is raise my hands in adoration and thank Him for Who He is, and praise Him for allowing me to live out His dreams.

 All is grace.

P.S. The following photos were taken last week, when Mariela and I took a trip to Chihuahua for a friend's wedding. We had an incredible time, and it was so cool to see so many old friends. :)

"Let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the glory of the Lord rise among us

And let the praises of the King rise among us

Let it rise" ~Big Daddy Weave

      My King has been leading me on a fascinating journey ever since I said "yes" to Him. It's been a thrilling, delightful, rewarding journey, but it's also been incredibly painful and uncomfortable a lot of the time. Sometimes I forget that it's not all about me and I allow my circumstances to overwhelm me, to stifle my joy. Without fail, when I stop long enough to listen, to allow His voice to be heard, He calls me back to quietness and trust. The word "quietness" means "to rest; be undisturbed; be unmolested; to be still, inactive. To cause to be quiet. Essentially denotes tranquility." How can I truly be overwhelmed when I am called to this? How could this tranquility do any less than trump every circumstance in my life? You're right. It does trump all. 

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." -Col 3:15 NIV

      Let His peace rule. Notice the last sentence, added almost as an afterthought. Be thankful. Thankfulness, as known in the Greek language, is "eucharisteo". A continual gratefulness. It's the same thankfulness that Jesus demonstrated right before His death, at the Last Supper. You know, when He took the wine and the bread and "gave thanks"? Yup. Same word in the Greek language. Eucharisteo. The thing is, we're not commanded to be thankful only when we're having fun, when things are going smoothly, and all is right with the world. Remember what happened immediately following the Last Supper? He died. He became SIN and died. For me. And to think that He knew that all of this was going to happen when He "gave thanks". My best excuse falls flat in light of this extravagant love. I am undone in His presence. If He could stare the grotesqueness of sin and cruel death in the face and give thanks, doesn't that give me the same power of joy?His Spirit is, after all, living in me. Eucharisteo= a lifestyle of joy. I was first introduced to this concept through Ann Voscamp's book "1000 Gifts". As revolutionary as it was back then, it has only now truly become my heart's cry as I've learned to know the heart of my King more intimately. No longer is it a wonderful thought from this great book I read. Instead, I live it. I breathe it. Just when I think I can't handle another interruption, another frustration, another trial, His voice quietly invites me to embrace eucharisteo, and to allow His peace to wash over me. In the light of His grace, I rest. I lack nothing. He is everything.

 {My girls in Tepehuajes. Sissy and I get to hang out with them every week to connect and talk about the stuff of life}

   

{I got visitors! So fun to have them around}

{Again, my girls in Tepe. We had a little Valentine's celebration, and what a great time it was. :) }

{Some more of my beautiful gals. They spice up my life, that's for sure!}

 

{Wheels. Finally. So thankful for this!}

{My beautiful Choix. This is up on the clock tower.}
Photo credits: Elaine F, Tim S, Lisa Y, and Russ L

.moments of grace.

       It all began with that email confirming the need for me to move way down South.
I prayed. I responded. I began dreaming. How faithful is this God of mine Who daily leads me into all truth, and equips me with more grace than I could ever ask for!
So, I arrived in Mexico a month and a half ago, ready to start the journey of studying language and culture, and of creating a new life thousands of miles from home as I knew it.

This journey has been an intriguing one so far: a wild conglomeration of joys, mistakes, growing pains, and unplanned blessings.

I love Mexico. Not a day goes by that I don't step back and marvel at the beauty of my life: a rich, captivating collage of blessings. I love being here. The colours. The smells. The sights. The sounds. The hearts. I am surrounded by beating hearts, and I love it. There are moments when I literally stop, stare at my surroundings, and break out in the biggest smile possible, because of the wonder of it all.

It's crazy, really. Why me, why here, why now? What do I have to offer the people of Choix, when I am such a work in progress myself? Nothing. I have nothing. I have no capacity to learn a new language, to minister to those around me, to cry with hurting hearts, or even to breathe. I am nothing. But God. He is the air I breathe, the lyrics I raise in praise, the joy I experience daily, the hand I hold out to the world around me. Whether in Mexico, Canada, or the ends of the earth, He is the Great I AM. That really is the summary of my existence. As I continue to learn Spanish, and continue to settle into my new roles here, I invite you to celebrate Him with me. Celebrate Him for the way He guided me through those crucial first few weeks of bonding with my host culture. Those weeks jam packed with language mistakes, new relationships, unfamiliar customs. I am thankful that those weeks are behind me, but they were good. I learned so much, and was stretched in ways I would not have imagined. I moved into the town of Choix (which will be my home for the next two years minimum, Lord willing) last week.

As I continue to settle in and discover what life will be like for me here, pray for His grace to flow out of my life every day. My weeks consist of a myriad of activities including ministering in surrounding villages, cooking, handing out many cups of water in a day (our "window ministry" :), helping out with Bible studies, etc. I am also loving getting to know the kids at the Casa Hogar (the Orphanage), and it blesses my soul to interact with them through talking, playing Soccer, etc.

An added bonus of it all is that I am blessed with an amazing team of warriors to fight this battle with.

The team: Casa Hogar caregivers, Church Planting Team, & School Teachers

(Suzanne and I. We are on the church-planting team together, focusing on ministry in the villages, as well as domestics and ministry at the team base here. This girl is pretty amazing, and she definitely makes my life richer!)

(Gen and I. She is the cook at at the Casa Hogar, and an incredible soul sister).

And now, for your enjoyment: photos of life as I now know it:

There is no way to express my gratitude for all the prayers you send up to the Father on my behalf! I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are carrying me through every day. Thank you for blessing my life so richly!

I invite you to magnify Him with me:

"Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples." Ps. 96:3